Friday, May 27, 2011

Islamic Marriage Rules

In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Islamic Marriage Rules


Islam provides essential ingredients for a man and woman to be married and to have sexual relations as man and wife. While there are many books on the subject which we recommend for all Muslims to read, we humbly offer the follow information about these ingredients, inshallah.

1. The first ingredient is the “wali” (nearest relative to the lady, such as her father or brother if the father is unable to perform the task) or “wakil” (imam or appointed guardian to act on behalf of the best interests of the lady). It is his job to help find and interview the background of any potential suitor for the lady.

2. After choosing the young man, there is an appointment scheduled for the two of them to meet (under chaperoned supervision) to discuss their possible future together.

3. After the initial meeting, both of them are to pray to Allah in the form of salat known as “salatul istakharah” for guidance. If this is not done, it does not invalidate the marriage, but it is something that will really help both of them in their future. Please refer to the subject of the “salatul istakharah.”

To know How to do Istikhara Click here !

4. If both of them recognized positive signs from the “salatul istakharah” then they would proceed to make the “nikah” (marriage contract). This again is done under supervision with two witnesses. It is usually attended by an imam or knowledgeable person in Islam, just so that there will be no mistakes in taking care of the details.

5. The mahr (dowry) is presented and the lady is asked if she is prepared to accept this mahr and be married to this man. This is usually repeated three times in front of the witnesses, but at least one acknowledgment from the lady is necessary to proceed.

6. The women would then sign the nikah document in front of the witnesses.

7. The witnesses (usually two) would sign and attest that they had been present at the nikah and did witness the acceptance by the lady of the offer of marriage by the man. The imam might also sign, but this does not affect the validity of the marriage. Any two adult Muslims may witness the document. In the case of women witnesses, it is correct to have two in place of one. If there were to be two witnesses, but one is a woman, then it would be correct to have a man and two women sign the document.

8. After the acceptance of the lady, the signing of the nikah (document), witnessing of the two witnesses and exchange of mahr, the man and the women are considered legal in Islam to live together and be together as man and wife and to have sex. However, until they actually consummate the marriage (i.e., have intercourse) they may cancel the marriage, and the mahr would be returned back to the man.

9. After the signing of the marriage document, and the acceptance of the bride of the ‘mahr’ (dowry), and the signing of the two witnesses, the groom is free to take his bride at anytime he chooses. There is no waiting, if that is what you are implying. As regards any kind of a deadline, this would be according to the contract. If the lady or the gentleman has specified that for whatever reasons, if they are not able to be living together by such and such a date, then the mahr could be returned back to the man and the woman and man would be considered not married (unless of course, if they had consummated the marriage by having sex together).

10. If the groom is unable or unwilling to take the bride after an extended period of time and she or he would like to annul the marriage, they would simply let the other person know and cause the mahr to be returned to the groom.

NOTE: This is all based on the fact that although they have a contract for marriage (nikah) it is not considered completed until after they consummate (have sex). Once that has happened, they are married and the only way for them to no longer be married would be through divorce (khulwa or lian or talaq).

And of course, Allah Knows Best.

Any good is from Allah the mistakes were from myself. May Allah guide all of us to His Truth, ameen.

:: Read MORE Articles Related to Marriage here ::

Marriage in Islam – Purpose and Virtues :: Special Article !

Wedding Ceremony In Islam – Customs, Rituals & Traditions

Falling in Love: Allowed in Islam?

In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

Falling in Love: Allowed in Islam?

Question :What does Islam say about falling in love? Is that allowed in Islam? If it is yes, how could we show that to the person we love without causing fitnah?

Answer: Islam teaches us to be truthful and realistic. Usually, we love for the sake of Allah and we hate for the sake of Allah. Islam teaches us that a male and female can build up a good relationship founded on marriage.

We do not say love is halal or haram because it is a feeling. Maybe it is not under control. You can judge what is under control. But people who fall in love are in many episodes away from the cleansed and pure atmosphere.

Marriages that are usually good and lasting marriages are those that start at the least affection. That affection grows after marriage and maybe it will grow until the couples continue their companionship at the Jannah.

If you have any affection towards a person, you should ask yourself:why do you like that person? If you have good Islamic, reasonable justification, then you need not tell that person of what you feel. However, you can make a serious plan to make him ask for your hand. If you want to know the meaning of fitna, a great part of it is what people nowadays call love or romance.

In this context, we’d like to cite the following fatwa that clarifies the Islamic ruling on falling in love:

“If we are speaking about the emotion which we call “love” then we are simply speaking of a feeling. What we feel toward a particular person is not of great importance, until our feeling is expressed in a particular action. Now if that action is permissible, then well and good. If it is forbidden, then we have incurred something that Allah does not approve of. If it is love between a man and a woman, the emotion itself is not the subject of questioning on the Day of Judgment. If you feel you love someone, then you cannot control your feeling. If that love prompts you to try to see that person in secret and to give expression to your feelings in actions permissible only within the bond of marriage then what you are doing is forbidden.”

Shedding more light on the issue in point we’d like to cite the words of Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He states:

In Islam, it is not a sin if you feel a special affinity or inclination towards a certain individual since human beings have no control on such natural inclinations. We are, however, definitely responsible and accountable if we get carried away by such feelings and take specific actions or steps that might be deemed as haram (forbidden).

As far as male and female interaction is concerned, Islam dictates strict rules: It forbids all forms of ‘dating’ and isolating oneself with a member of the opposite sex, as well indiscriminate mingling and mixing.

If, however, one does none of the above, and all that he or she wants is to seriously consider marrying someone, such a thing itself is not considered haram. In fact, Islam encourages us to marry persons for whom we have special feelings and affinity. Thus, Islam recommends that potential marriage partners see one another before proposing marriage. Explaining the reason for such a recommendation, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “That would enhance/foster the bonding.”

This permission notwithstanding, we are advised against getting carried away by merely the outward appearances of a person; these may be quite misleading. Marriage is a life-long partnership and a person’s real worth is determined not by his or her physical looks, but more so by the inner person or character. Hence, after having mentioned that people ordinarily look for beauty, wealth and family in a marriage partner, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised us to consider primarily “the religious or character factor” over and above all other considerations.

Islam does not allow any illicit relationship between a man and a woman.Allaah has established marriage as the legitimate means for satisfying sexual desire, and through marriage a man and woman form a family based on the laws of Allaah, and their children are legitimate. In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. To have a boyfriend or girlfriend, no matter the level of interaction and involvement, is completely haraam!

Contact between the sexes is one of the doors that lead to fitnah (temptation). Sharee’ah is filled with evidence which indicates that it is essential to beware of falling into the traps of the shaytaan in this matter. When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw a young man merely looking at a young woman, he turned his head so as to make him look away, then he said:

“I saw a young man and a young woman, and I did not trust the shaytaan not to tempt them.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (885) and classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

This does not mean that it is haraam for a man or woman to like a specific person whom he or she chooses to be a spouse, and feel love for that person and want to marry them if possible. Love has to do with the heart, and it may appear in a person’s heart for reasons known or unknown. But if it is because of mixing or looking or haraam conversations, then it is also haraam. If it is because of previous acquaintance, being related or because of hearing about that person, and one cannot ward it off, then there is nothing wrong with that love, so long as one adheres to the sacred limits set by Allaah.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

A person may hear that a woman is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her. Or a woman may hear that a man is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she may want to marry him. But contact between the two who admire one another in ways that are not Islamically acceptable is the problem, which leads to disastrous consequences. In this case it is not permissible for the man to get in touch with the woman or for the woman to get in touch with the man, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both). But if the woman contacts the man directly or if the man contacts woman directly, this is may leads to fitnah (temptation).

Liqaa’aat al-Baab il-Maftooh

The permissible ways to get the one whom you loves are sufficient i.e

contact the wali or the gaurdian of the person whom you desire to marry, there is no need for haraam means, but we make it hard for ourselves and the shaytaan takes advantage of that.

In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious

The Role of Muslim Women in Daw’ah

“You are the best of the nation raised up for mankind because you enjoin what is right and forbid the wrong and believe in Allah” [ Ale-Imran: 110]

There many evidences in the Qur’an and Sunnah that obligates ALL Muslims, men and women to do da’wah, and enjoin good and forbid evil.

The Qur’an and Sunnah have expressed the idea of da’wa with the terms; tableegh (delivering the call), enjoining the good (ma’ruf) & forbidding the evil (munkar), recommending one another on the truth (tawaasi), being sent to give good tidings and to warn, clarifying the truth, advising (naseeha) and reminding the people, and debate and discuss with the people in the manner which is best and the struggling to make the Deen prevail.

ادْعُ إِلَى سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِالْحِكْمَةِ وَالْمَوْعِظَةِ الْحَسَنَةِ وَجَادِلْهُمْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ

Allah (swt) says, “Invite to the way of your Lord (i.e. Islaam) with Hikmah (divine evidences), and argue with them in a way that is better.” [16: 125]

What we can notice when we look at the evidences is that they have come in a general form, addressing Muslims as a whole – not being specific to men or women.

The fuqaha have explained that Da’wah to non-Muslims is in origin Fard Kifayah (obligation of sufficiency), meaning if some people are fulfilling it – the rest of the Ummah are not sinful and are encouraged to also perform it. However, it can become Fard Ayn (individual obligation) in the case where we know a non-Muslim who does not know about Islam and is unlikely to hear about it except through you – in this case it is our obligation to convey the message of Islam to them.

Da’wah to non-Muslims differs from da’wah to Muslims which includes enjoining the Ma’ruf and forbidding the Munkar which is an individual duty.

Ahmad narrated on the authority of Abu Bakrah that the messenger said:

“If the people see the Munkar (evil, wrong doing) and they do not change it, Allah will take them with a punishment”.

The Muslims, as individuals, are required to enjoin that which they are commanded with and forbid that which they are ordered to abstain from – if anything happens in front of them that necessitates that – according to the knowledge each individual has.

Furthermore, the Messenger (saw), when addressing the people used to say,

“Let the one who is present convey what he has heard to the one who is absent” (Al-Bukhari).

Consequently, enjoining the ma’roof and forbidding the munkar becomes an individual obligation (fard ayn) for which the Muslim will be sinful if he or she did not undertake it, and he is not excused for abandoning it. Thus the Muslimah, in her daily life with her husband, children, relatives, neighbours, customers, acquaintances or anyone else who they happen to meet; each one of such people needs be given the naseeha (advice), if they failed to perform a duty or was disobedient. How can this not be the case when there are sins that only she may be aware of. Such as a sin committed in front of her at a sitting where no one else is present. If she did not advise them then she will be sinful. No one else can take her place, and in his sphere, nobody other than her can fulfil it. For every munkar that appears in his sphere, no one other than the individual who witnesses it is responsible.

If one of our friends is not wearing the khimar, taking riba, has haram relations with men before marriage or engages in any other definitive haram – then you are obliged to forbid this munkar.

The Prophet (saw) said in a hadith narrated from Imam Muslim from Abu Sa’id al Khudri:

“Whosoever sees a Munkar (an evil or wrong) let him change it by his hand, if he could not let it be by his tongue. If he could not let it be by his heart, and this is the weakest of Iman”

We are also obliged to work to establish the mechanism which will establish the Ma’ruf and ensure the removal of Munkar, the Islamic state – which has been emphasised by the hadith in Sahih Muslim, the Prophet (saw) said:

“Whosoever dies without a bay’ah on their neck dies the death of Jahiliyyah.” [Sahih Muslim]

Women have been expressly addressed with the duty of the da’wah because Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala, says:

يَا نِسَاءَ النَّبِيِّ لَسْتُنَّ كَأَحَدٍ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ إِنِ اتَّقَيْتُنَّ فَلَا تَخْضَعْنَ بِالْقَوْلِ فَيَطْمَعَ الَّذِي فِي قَلْبِهِ مَرَضٌ وَقُلْنَ قَوْلًا مَعْرُوفًا

“O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allah) then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire, but say that which is Ma’roof (good).” [33:32]

Ibn Abbas understood Allah’s injunction to the Prophet’s wives, to “say good,” to mean that they have to enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil. This can be taken as a general address to all Muslim women. Allah also says:

وَالْمُؤْمِنُونَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتُ بَعْضُهُمْ أَوْلِيَاء بَعْضٍ يَأْمُرُونَ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ الْمُنكَرِ وَيُقِيمُونَ الصَّلاَةَ

“The believers, men and women are Auliya (helpers, protectors) of one another, they enjoin the good and forbid the evil, they perform salah and give away zakah and obey Allah.” [9:71]

It is clear in this verse that women are addressed with this task, just as men, whenever they are capable of undertaking it.

* Removing ignorance, increasing awareness of Islam, and the creation of qualified women da’wah carriers. These results have a lasting and beneficial influence, not only on women and the Muslim community, but also on the whole society at large

* Women’s place and status in Islam would be highlighted and Muslim women would attain a better awareness of their rights and duties.

* Making dawah should be part of our children’s upbringing by making them aware that they are the future carriers of Islam; and Islam is their identity; without it they are lost.

Examples from Muslim women in the past

The Prophet’s companions who left their homes to go places that were thousands of miles away to take the new religion to people also had the support and the backing of their wives. Let’s look at some examples:

- Khadija’s (ra) comfort, help, and support of the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, offer the greatest proof of the vital importance of this role. Khadijah was very rich, and she spent her money to support the da’wah

- If we look at the hadeeth narrated by Abu Saeed that the women said to the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, “The men are keeping you busy and we do not get enough attention from you. Would you specify a day for us, women? He promised them a day to meet them and educate and admonish them.” (Bukhari) The fruits of this understanding and concern by the women companions of the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, and the attention he gave them, are shining examples and a source of pride for Muslim women

- Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, is also a perfect example of what the Muslim women should strive to be like. After the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, died, Aisha (ra) was the main source of knowledge about the Prophets teachings. She was active in telling people about Islam and giving knowledge to those who sought it. Abu Musa Ash’ari narrated, “We never had a problem to tackle but always found a relief from Aisha (ra). Her knowledge was stupendous.” Imam Zuhri, a Tabe’ie of great renown said, “Aisha was the greatest among the living scholars.”

- Umm Sulaim (ra) teaching her son Anas Ibn Malik (ra) about Islam, even though her husband rejected Islam. When Abu Talha proposed to her (before accepting Islam) she told him that her dowry was Islam, he in-turn embraced Islam and she married him. She gave her son Anas to the Prophet (saw) as a servant.

- Umm Hakeem (ra) was the reason behind her husband embracing Islam, the aunt of Adi ibn Hatem (ra) also led him to Islam. Amra, the wife of Habib Al-Ajami would wake up her husband to make salah at night. Asmaa (ra), the daughter of Abu Bakr, encouraged her son, Abdullah ibn Az-Zubair (ra), to stand up for the truth and not fear death in the face of a tyrant.

- Sumayyah (ra) gave up her life when Abu Jahl killed her for becoming a Muslim. She was the first martyr in Islam.

- Umm Salamah (ra) left her husband and saw her children persecuted when she migrated. (She is the one who narrated the famous speech of Ja’far to Najashi). Umm Ammarah (ra) fought in defence of the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, in the Uhud battle. Tending the wounded in battles was the role Muslim Women played throughout history.

- It is reported that Dawud ibn Husayn (ra), a companion of the Prophet, used to take Qur’anic lessons from Umm Sa’d Jamilah bint As’ad Ansariyyah (ra), daughter of As’ad ibn Rabi who fought in the Battle of Badr and achieved martyrdom in the Battle of Uhud. According to Ibn Athir, Umm Sa’d had memorized the Qur’an and used to give regular lessons.

Even in later generations Muslim women continued to play a large part in Da’wah and the propagation of Islam.

- Nafisa bint al-Hasan (d. 208/824) taught hadith to Imam ash-Shafi’i.

- Ibn Hajar mentioned 12 women who were musnida (transmitters of collection of hadith). He studied with 53 women.

- Ibn Asakir al-Dimashqi (499-571) took hadith from 1,300 male shaykh and 80-odd female shaykha.

What contribution can women make?

Many obstacles and restraints have been the causes behind the weakness and neglect of da’wah work amongst women.

One major reason, is that many men are not convinced about the importance of women’s role and responsibilities in the field of da’wah. This is due to the influence of eastern Mushrik culture where women are seen as slaves to men. Unfortunately some attempt to justify this by misinterpreting Islamic evidences, for example:

The Qur’anic verse: وَقَرْنَ فِي بُيُوتِكُنَّ “ …remain at your homes…” [33:33] has been misinterpreted by many, and so has the right of guardianship or Qawama. In many instances we see men objecting to women’s participation in da’wah and thus preventing them from fulfilling their role toward their fellow Muslims and to the larger society in general. Spreading Islam has been made incumbent on all Muslims, men and women.

It is vital that husbands encourage their wives to participate in da’wah work. Unfortunately, not a lot of Muslim women feel that they know enough about Islam to share it with others. They need to realize that it is their responsibility to obtain that knowledge and then share it with others. Many women also feel uncomfortable presenting to groups of people due to various reasons.

Although many women are busy due to their responsibility as a wife, mother, cook, and teacher, inside their homes, etc – as with any fard, we must make time and organise our lives such that it becomes a centre point of our lives. Women have the ability to make a real difference:

- They generally have a great effect on their husbands. If they have strong Iman and character, they have a very good chance at helping their husbands become strong as well.

- Women are more free than men in communicating with other women, either individually for da’wah activities, or in women’s learning and other forums and places of meeting.

- Women stay at home with their sons and daughters, and thus can bring them up as they please.

Practical Steps for women

* Where to do dawah: ideally where people gather regularly, such as the mosques, girls schools – trying to influence the teacher and the curriculum, associations, da’wah groups, friends, families etc.

* We need to start by seeking knowledge and developing our Islamic personalities.
Proper Islamic rules of mixing between men and women must be observed at all times

* Building of the da’wah personality: Da’wah requires sacrifices and therefore women must be prepared to bear the burdens of calling to Islam

* Da’iyat delivering lectures, seminars, sermons, should be able to persuade the listeners by addressing their minds through proofs and evidences.

* Utilising the latest communication technology is important for fruitful dawah. Radio, TV, and the internet are very efficient means for local and international mass-dawah.

* Writing and publishing such as books, newspaper, articles etc are means by which you can easily reach people. Writings should both be eloquent and convincing, through sincere, sound and documented arguments.

So, let us strive to aid in the revival of the Ummah, by being da’wa carriers – possessing thought and articulation to uphold the truth.

Each of us has a gift from Allah we should not ignore our obligation in fear of rejection or failure but, join together to contribute our talents and reasons to share the gift of Islam, truly a mercy from Allah (swt).

وَمَنْ أَحْسَنُ قَوْلًا مِمَّنْ دَعَا إِلَى اللَّهِ وَعَمِلَ صَالِحًا وَقَالَ إِنَّنِي مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِينَ

“Who is better in speech than the one who calls (people) to Allah, works righteousness, and says I am one the Muslims?” (41:33)